I am mad as fucking hell.

I feel like I could throw something. A lot of things. Through a wall. Through a lot of walls.

I had my CHOICES shoot this weekend, and I had been under the impression that it was a rounding success, a first for me when it came to shooting CHOICES. I had been ready to say that, had one more thing gone wrong, the piece was cursed. But nothing went wrong.

Until I went to try and capture it today. If there is a curse, then it's still intact and giving me more bullshit to deal with. And what did it do to me this time? You ready?

The TASCAM -- the machine we use to record audio -- just decided to magically delete all the sound we recorded during the shoot. We listened back to them yesterday DURING THE SHOOT, and they sounded crystal clear. But between then and this afternoon, they've mysteriously vanished. And, apparently, that's what happened to Amanda Behrens when she shot her Senior Project.

So what does that mean?

NO FUCKING AUDIO.

NONE.

Because the camera didn't record sound either. Just static. Since it was set to the wrong channel.

I'm so mad I can hardly breathe properly. And not just because something went wrong ---- even if that something basically means the entire project has been fucked AGAIN. It's because the acting, the visuals (the video and my D.P.'s cinematography) all were dead-on and near perfect. They were of the kind of caliber that is what I've been trying to attain since the start of my whole escapade with Companions and with Choices.

But I can't use it.

*throws head against the wall*

It's beyond irritating. It's like. . .insulting! Like someone is up there going, "ha ha!" right in my face. And I wanna kick their teeth out.
I know it's strange but I am, in fact, feeling extremely violent right now. I'm thinking about going down to the gym or something to work off some of this energy. I'm just shaking with anger. or I might just grab a pillow and scream into it for the next half hour. Jordan's not here and I don't give a shit if Brittany is.

*deep breath*

On a more reasonable note, I do have some options. Joi is going to contact G.T. (the other teacher who knows a lot about the TASCAM) and see if there is some way he can restore those audio clips. If that doesn't work, then I can try to have Vicki and Justin (the actors) record voice-overs and try to sync it up. It might be pitiful that way, but perhaps I can do some evasive editing so that it's mostly just cue-style dialogue shots before quick cuts away while they're speaking to reaction shots from the opposite person.

Whatever. I'm just sick to death of this whole goddamn thing. This is the last time I touch this fucking script for a long time.
I'm done.

I know I've said that before, but I mean it. I'm done. Enough of this shit. I get the message, really, I do. I need to put it to bed for awhile. And pick it up. . . .maybe never again, let it just morph back into the larger picture of Companions as a whole. I dunno.

But I'm done.

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~ M.E. ~